Demons, luggage and how to deal with it.

Yeah, so I’m having one of those days today, so it’s all kind of….blue. I’m obviously doing something I should not, and it is: I’m in my head today. I struggle with living in the now, so instead, I daydream unvolunteerly with whatever the content my mind is building. Which is not always a good thing. Well…fuck it, it’s never a good thing, simply because it takes away the focus from what is happing now, right here, right now, in this moment, at this place, in this situation. My mind works in weird ways, likely not more weird than the next man’s, but still. It’s fractioned/segmented in sections. In these sections, blocks if you may, you will find things I’ve stonewalled earlier in my life. Usually, the walls hold, so I keep everything in check, under controll, and it does not affect me. Today is the end of 6th week of my diet, and AMAZING progress has been made. Can’t really stress that enough. The progress…was and is AMAZING. Really good job on my part, and a really huge thanks to my coach for supporting me in this prosess. I’ve lost about 9kg in 6 weeks now. My form is Continue reading

Master Chief paintball entrance 2015.

So, I’ve been playing with the childish and nerdy idea of making my own Master Chief Spartan armor. I’ve even printed out a scaled version of the helm, but I’ve never gotten around to actually sit the fuck down and cut it out, glue it together, and spraypaint it with clear coat. A few weeks back, I got an idea: I should do paintball. Now, I got this mad idea: Master Chief armor and a paintball rifle. So, I googled some and done some research. I mean….well…Look at this shit What final version of the armor should look like: The process of making the helmet (perhaps not the best final result out there): I got far too much exciting shit planned for 2015 for the year to be boring. PS: Like seriously. Wife. Digging his Halo shit. No wonder there is a ring on it

Braindump.

Sorry for not updating this thing in ages. Many things have happened in the past two weeks. In fact, so much has happened that it feels like two months. I was frustrated for a long while. Frustrated with the lack of drive, lots of ideas, wishes, goals, but no drive to reach them. I’ve identified things I wanted to work on, but everything felt pointless. Until one day, I was working out, just another boring-ass-workout, and I see this girl. Skinny girl, early teens, obviously knowing what she’s supposed to do in her first workouts cos she’s attempting deadlifts. What does she do? She lifts that shit with fine technique. And I’m like….”What in the actual fuck?” I think. “Fuck this shit, man. I’m going home. Fucking fuck. Can’t fucking believe this”. Packed my bag and left. Has to be said, that I ment no disrespect towards the girl at all. I said nothing, and my thoughts were only a reflection of how I felt about myself. I fucking HATED that pussy ass, lazy piece of useless meatbag shit, that identifies problems, plans on how to fix them, but does nothing to remedy the situation. So I changed. Just as Continue reading

Motivation

Motivation is one fun, interesting and exciting concept. There is this whole business of people: personal trainers, coachers, who are earning big stacks of cash by motivating lazy fucks like you and me. There are two types of motivation: external and internal. External motivation is what most people draw their drive from. Motivational quotes, #fitspo, #nopainnogain, you know what I’m talking about, questions like “what can I do to keep myself motivated?”. Internal motivation comes from you: Your essence. Not the things you identify with, not your body, but your true, natural, inner form. Internal motivation is when you want to do something because YOU want it really badly. Like a sip of cold water after running 10 miles. You do it because you: a) want it b) need it. You don’t need anyone to tell you what to do, it just comes naturally to you. Benefits of external motivation include things like “peaks”. You “peak” from getting external motivation, you peak here and now. Sometimes you DO need a kick in the butt to get going right there and then. Cons of external motivation: It doesn’t last long. That’s why you start doing something for a week or two, Continue reading

Radio tracks and pop culture.

I’ve always been emotional when it comes to music. Music is what reaches out, touches and resonates with my “energy”, if you may call it that. Music I like goes across more or less ALL genres and sub-genres. I’m going back to my old roots: music, and playing with my turntables. I’ve bought Traktor Scratch Pro A6 to be able to spin digital records, since this is 2014 and most of the music is comming out on sites like Beatport. I’ve spent several nights browsing different genres and what cought my attention currently is deep house and tech-house. So I found this track, and it blew me away: I lost count of how many times I’ve listened to it for the past week. So, naturally, I researched more of London Grammar, especially live perfomances, and it was like……I can’t describe how great this track is, and how amazing Hannah Reid’s voice is. No, voice pitch jerking, no g-string + bra outfits, no sparkles, no bullshit tounge-sticking-out, no grinding. No show designed specifically to manipulate people into seeing it, listening to it, and most importantly (for them) buying it. I’m so sick n tired of all the garbage that is currently Continue reading

[Long post warning] Online dating scene.

I’ve been brewing on this for quite a while, so I might as well dump my thoughts on the subject off my chest. Intro For the past year, I’ve been on and off online dating, mostly out of curiosity. I was still being a shy, driveless chode, with no ambitions or anything. Just mindlessly browsing pages on pages of girls in my area, and just going “meh”. And when I found a girl I liked, I ended up being “in my head” going all “nah, her inbox is prolly full, I can’t be arsed sending a PM.” Followed by all kinds of negative thoughts, stuck in a negative downward spiral pattern. Ridiculous. Governed by fear. Most of my decisions, and I presume other peoples as well, are governed by deep, illogical fear. Fear in itself is an irrational emotion most of the times. Obviously, if you’re out in the woods and meet a bear face to face, you can go right ahead and freak the fuck out, okay. Even then, our instincts are designed with a defense mechanism: flight or fight. So why the fuck are we so afraid? I’ll tell you why. I’ve recently finished reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, Continue reading

Comfort zone

Coming from a standpoint of a mind in complete lockdown, challenging your comfort zone might become a real bitch. It’s hard, OK. It’s like this parasite in your mind with a mind of its own and every time you attempt to remove it, it fucks you over with it’s large repertoire of anxiety attacks, nausea, basically any cardiac, digestive or hormone system. “Oh, so you wanna come out of your way to do something special? Have some adrenaline and weak knees. Oh, and by the way: have some nausea for desert”. It’s like fighting yourself. But how do you hotwire your own brain, bypassing it’s natural constrains of fear and anxiety? Fear, in most cases, is irrational. Anxiety is irrational entirely. How do you unplug yourself from The Matrix and take a leap of faith that seems impossible? You stop thinking. Reading books is surely helpful and by mere accident I came across this book, “The power of now” by Eckhart Tolle. He says that majority of people have an inner voice, many voices in fact. The point at where it becomes a disease is when you start talking out loud in the streets n such. Everyone’s thinking “I should Continue reading

So unreal.

I know, gaming is not exactly #projectOjive but I really needed a cooldown, so I had a “few” rounds of Battlefield 4. It was Siege of Shanghai map and I was feeling brave enough to man the Z-11 and had a few lols. I ended up on a 10 kill streak or something, which resulted in some aggro. It was all fun and games until this happened: JK, it was still hillarious. Lols were had, I’ve found a new server, lols continued. Good day. PS: My BF4 nickname is RealOjive.